The last article alleged many a thing about being misunderstood, deceived and how i acquired the love of my life in the end! But what spawned the guilt is his invaluable reaction to it. Tears glinted in his eyes, "I love you so much, you are my life and I owe you mine",he said, as soon as he finished reading. In the verge of tears, I surmised how deliberately I shadowed the things I did in this one year.
I was in love, true that, Yet I never breathed about it, never dared to articulate it. I flirted around, trying to evolve into a philanderer, altogether futile. Party, booze, smoke and night club, i loved getting wasted. The noise around me was hankering as the flames engulfed my inner ones. Though it was sickening as the conscience would come back with the conscious, sinister! To escape from it all, I kept myself busy and worked 15 hours a day. To everyone i was the happy, lucky and famous chick, alone i knew the hollow self.
I acted like a coquette and seemed easy to come. Morosely, i was separated by a veil that none could see. It was maddening for me but tempting for the ditsy dickheads as they failed to reach out to me and i failed to shed the veil over me, one more time. I was a soap bubble, joyous and gleaming in light, gloomy and invisible in the night.
The fate had its own game to play. The sun started beaming once again. I was with him! Despite the confession of the adoration, i never stopped stringing along. I hurt him once with the new age weapon "inbox" and ensured to never do it again. Alas! i still didn't get the malfeasance of flirting. There is a fine line between being highly socializing and flirting. Sadly, i never really got the difference.
Too many guys trying to hit on me and as he believed the reason was flirting. I pledged that the habit has stopped utterly, never realizing it was etched in my system deep. Again he found out and was broken apart. Instead of screaming his guts out on me, he blamed himself for not really being with me. I was aghast and i felt terrible, imbibing guilt. There i realized for the first time what the big deal was about being a vamp.
May he say "It's okay" a thousand times, its still a mistake i can't forgive myself for. To me its a sin, tempting and deadly. Once committed, contemptible. He must have forgiven or forgotten, but its burnt inside me leaving a scar. Maybe i wouldn't have felt so much if he had just drowned me in his pool of anger. But the love burned me to ashes.
The mere thought of hurting him engenders repugnance. Yet I did it twice, hence UNFORGIVEN.
P.S- "Whatever happens, life goes on!"
I was in love, true that, Yet I never breathed about it, never dared to articulate it. I flirted around, trying to evolve into a philanderer, altogether futile. Party, booze, smoke and night club, i loved getting wasted. The noise around me was hankering as the flames engulfed my inner ones. Though it was sickening as the conscience would come back with the conscious, sinister! To escape from it all, I kept myself busy and worked 15 hours a day. To everyone i was the happy, lucky and famous chick, alone i knew the hollow self.
I acted like a coquette and seemed easy to come. Morosely, i was separated by a veil that none could see. It was maddening for me but tempting for the ditsy dickheads as they failed to reach out to me and i failed to shed the veil over me, one more time. I was a soap bubble, joyous and gleaming in light, gloomy and invisible in the night.
The fate had its own game to play. The sun started beaming once again. I was with him! Despite the confession of the adoration, i never stopped stringing along. I hurt him once with the new age weapon "inbox" and ensured to never do it again. Alas! i still didn't get the malfeasance of flirting. There is a fine line between being highly socializing and flirting. Sadly, i never really got the difference.
Too many guys trying to hit on me and as he believed the reason was flirting. I pledged that the habit has stopped utterly, never realizing it was etched in my system deep. Again he found out and was broken apart. Instead of screaming his guts out on me, he blamed himself for not really being with me. I was aghast and i felt terrible, imbibing guilt. There i realized for the first time what the big deal was about being a vamp.
May he say "It's okay" a thousand times, its still a mistake i can't forgive myself for. To me its a sin, tempting and deadly. Once committed, contemptible. He must have forgiven or forgotten, but its burnt inside me leaving a scar. Maybe i wouldn't have felt so much if he had just drowned me in his pool of anger. But the love burned me to ashes.
The mere thought of hurting him engenders repugnance. Yet I did it twice, hence UNFORGIVEN.
P.S- "Whatever happens, life goes on!"
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